Wednesday, August 12, 2009
yup, by an animation studio and i will have to fly out of NY for the first time. EVERTHING is for the first time... fllying, getting a JOB (actually, i've never worked an honest day in my life, appart from freelance and commissioning), Living on my own, being so far away from my NANA. i'm gonna miss that old crow. aaaaaaah SHeeeiiiiiiiiiit! i am nervous as hell. i can't stop yawning (i yawn a lot when i'm nervous, apparently), i lost my apatite for any food so i'm feeling even more jitters in my gut, and for some reason, i can't sit still. i know something is wrong, since, for one, i eat whenever i see food, i never move EVER!, and i usually yawn about five times a day, tops. so my sudden situation has to be more nerve wracking than i thought. SHIT, i may be joining a team of animators whose work brought me to the point i am now. i would be such a fan girl if the definition is understood and i know, come time, i will be such a spazz. i'm not that afraid of failure, death, or competition. what has got my nerves jumping is how everything is happening so fast. i'm not used to fast pace anything. my head starts to shut down at times like this. worst of all, since everything is so new, i can't think of anything good. by far from what i may seem, i am not an optimistic chic. i once was called "morbid" by a doctor who frowned when i kept repeating how i thought i was gonna die. SHIT SHIT SHIT. i know my pals have confidence in my mission, and even thou i think the worst, i DO have faith in my work. i do. i just think i'm spazzing out, is all. Arts been about the only thing i have ever had confidence in. no one was ever able to knock me off my horse. i will never say i'm even one of the best, but i WILL say i have fun so being the best to anyone outside of myself doesn't hold any substance to me. fun is all that matters to me.